Feed the world, feed yourself

Blogging has fallen way by the wayside recently. There’s lots of reasons for that – but the main one has been that I’ve been out of my depth with a writing project. Last November I was commissioned to write a report about the huge challenges that climate change and the global food price spike pose for African smallholder farmers. The commission fit with my strategy of trying to do at least one intellectually challenging project a year- and one that directly contributed to the common weal.

It went pear-shaped from the very beginning. The week after I signed the contract the pound collapsed by about 30% against the Euro. Despite professing willingness my contractors couldn’t find the extra funding for me to attend a state of the art conference in Addis Abada (not a “jolly” – though I have never been to that part of the world- but a chance to get engaged with the networks of people engaged in these discussions). I also realised I was dealing with a group of stakeholders with quite divergent views about the opportunities for addressing these challenges and that it was important to see them all. So in middle of December I did a whistle stop tour, traveling the length and breadth of England, on cold, wet and windy days, to visit all the stakeholders to catch their takes, their experiences and key messages. We had a stakeholder meeting in March in which the terms of reference were rewritten and some additional funding offered.

I realized how out of my depth I was in terms of the nuances of emphasis of what the donor community should be doing, the role of NGOs and lobby groups, the extent to which African governments and international research and finance institutes are contributing to solutions or just perpetuating their own budget lines and legitimacy. The world of development aid is a complicated one, full of organizations innovating and /or trying to justify their existence. Add on to that the whole world of UN joint task forces, private philanthropists (e.g. the Gates Foundation whose African budget now exceeds that of USAID) and pan-African initiatives (which also often reflect very different views- with those of say South Africa and Nigeria being very different from those of, say, Chad or Mali) and the whole framework of organizations seeking to address climate change.

I hit information overload. For a few weeks I was unable to process all this information into a coherent set of arguments. And, because my livelihood is dependent on producing a coherent report, this created a second level of stress – about how to pay the bills this (last and next) month. At the insistence of my line manager I submitted a second draft today. It only contains 80% of what I think should be in it – but there is a huge sense of relief about getting another set of eyes to look at it – criticize it if need be –and getting the project finished. I feel I have gone well beyond what I was paid to do – but when I am doing something that I think is going to help save the planet (and/or maintain my intellectual reputation) I go well beyond the bounds of what is reasonable effort (possibly more about self exploitation and how to avoid it to follow later).

This past month I have canceled a lot (not all) of my social engagements because of the stress this project engendered. These next two weeks I am going to chill a bit- do some light editing work – catch up with some admin, some of those missed engagements and try to live up to my goal of spending at least an hour a day outside of buildings and urban spaces.
It's the end of semester here in Wageningen. it feels the same way for me too. Feel like I have submitted an (unfinished) PhD. It's a useful reminder of what many of my clients must go through before they submit texts to me.