Attentive (or even perhaps casual) readers of my blog might have noticed something new going on - a whiff of romantic interest. On one level they would be right - but on another level very wrong. In recent weeks two different women have called me out of the blue to enquire about my availability. They're both intelligent, good conversationalists, have interesting characters and fit bodies. But for me to think that they are in love with me, or me with them would be a delusion. To coin a phrase we are fuck-buddies. We have a meal, a few drinks, take each other's clothes off and find ways to please (and tease) each other. It’s good to spend intimate time with a sparky and spunky woman. It's an ego boost to go home leaving a sated lover wrapped in sweat-stained sheets. The endorphins are perceptible. Strangers try to hit on me.
And in these recession-hit and environmentally-conscious times then what better leisure activity is there than recreational sex? Its free, carbon-neutral, doesn't consume scarce resources and its calorific burn-off value is higher than a session at the gym. Yet while buddy-fucks can bolster my ego and endorphin levels its not the same as being in love. One has to be really careful to neither offer nor ask for more than the other, or I, want to give. It’s sometimes a difficult boundary to read. Yet it’s far better than feeling like an unattractive human being. There lies the vale of depression. Here's to those who can have their cake and eat it too- those who are truly in love and have good sex - may their passion never wane.
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4 comments:
Wow, TWO women like that? I always wondered if I could do that. I tried it at one time, but I developed feelings for the guy, whereas he didn't, and I got hurt.
I got over it though, and decided I am strictly a relationship person.
Is it two separate women at two separate times, or is it both at the same time? Do they know about each other? Are they truly platonic buddies with benefits?
I have always wondered about this subject, and it seems that more and more people are doing that, but I just don't think I could be one of them. I'm just not wired that way I guess. : /
Well you know they say about buses - you wait for one for ages and then three come along at the same time. (Not that I am looking for a third).
Q. Is it two separate women at two separate times, or is it both at the same time? Do they know about each other? Are they truly platonic buddies with benefits?
A. In my dreams! yes and yes.
Honesty and integrity are important and besides I couldn't do with remembering which one I lied to about what I was doing last weekend.
Milan Kundera wrote a lot about these issues in thinly disguised fictional accounts of his life in the then Czechoslavakia. The Unbearable Lightness of Being is largely about the dilemmas that arise between people who are heavy (want the full Monty) and those who are light (enjoy having buddies with benefits - a much more discrete term than the one I used).
I think I am wired both ways (no pun intended) - I have a love relationship - get hurt -don't feel ready to trust or give (or in extreme cases even go out) for a while -but still miss "benefits". Then after a period of non-commital relationships I feel I want more emotional engagement again. Both arrangements have their intellectual and emotional up and down sides.
I don't know if more people are doing it now - maybe they are just being more honest about it. It took a bit of consideration before deciding whether I would come clean about this one.
Love will come soon I am sure and I'm glad you're enjoying yourself while waiting!
it is a fine line, one which i skate around ineptly. You are spot-on with the benefits of friendly fucking .. emotional highs, and eco-friendly too.
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