I realised the other day that there are two words that I am guilty of sometimes misusing and that this can have negative psychological effects. I have heard some friends do it too (so I am not the only one who can see the glass as half empty).
The words in question? Ever and never. As in (to use random examples) "Will I ever find another lover?" (And yes I don't doubt that I will) and "We never have any fun anymore" or "I never seem able to...". These two words are really insidious in that they imbue presently undesirable situations with a false status of permanence and that makes them seem more powerful than they really are. They frame situations so that one feels less powerful or the universe less supportive. To think "I never seem able to..." is to create a mindset that one is not going to do it. To say "I haven't yet found a way to..." allows the possibility that change can occur.
Monday, 28 January 2008
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4 comments:
Well indeed. Just reads some nice lines about this: http://www.scholarsandrogues.com/2008/01/27/a-human-thinking-trap-and-how-to-avoid-it/
Interesting - I always find it strange when people answer the question 'How are you' with a 'Not bad' - it's such a negative answer.
Conortje - even better/worse are those who say "mustn't grumble"
Conortje I hate that too - or even worse, the extra negative "not too bad".
You can take the positive-speak thing a bit far though. At one place I work they call every problem a "solution opportunity".
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